The negotiation blueprint: a step-by-step outline to help you navigate tricky conversations

We’ve all had it- that awful unexploded bomb of an email from a client sat in your inbox. So what do you do next?

This post will walk you through my tried-and-tested process for handling a difficult communication, so you’ll be able to head into any negotiation feeling prepared.

Get calm: put yourself in the right mindset

It is so tempting, in those first moments, to fire back with a few home truths, or alternatively to loathe the idea of conflict so much that you grit your teeth and give in to their unreasonable demands. Instead of doing either of those things, remember this:

You only win if you get what you want.

A trite phrase, but memorable, which is why it’s important here- in these early moments, your body is physically reacting to a stressful situation, and you may not be at your calmest, most rational best. So having a ridiculous catchphrase to use as your compass is actually quite useful. Remember it and let it pull you back to your objective- achieving success in your negotiation.

The point is to focus on the OUTCOME. Negotiations are a multi-step process (even if they’re just a couple of emails) and from this moment, everything you say and do should be geared towards delivering the outcome that is best for you and your business. If you need to get something off your chest, scream in frustration, that’s fine- but do that separately, and out of your client’s hearing. For now, focus on identifying what outcome you’re after, and working through the steps necessary to achieve that.

Preparation: assess the facts and make a plan

Before sitting down to draft a response, it is essential to do some information-gathering and analysis. Here are the steps to walk through, in this order, to equip you with the information you need to decide on a strategy for your reply.

1. Get the facts

Do some digging and consider the following:

• If you have a contract, what do the terms say?-

• Where do things stand in terms of finances/invoicing? How much money do they owe you?

• Where are you with deliverables- what has been done, what has been handed over, what is left to do? How does that line up with your contractual commitments?

• Are there wider relationship/ business issues to consider? Is this client particularly influential, or linked to other clients of yours?

• What is the potential impact, on you, of what they are asking of you?

2. Assess your exposure and your leverage

The list above is just a suggestion, as every situation will need its own consideration, but broadly speaking you want to assess your EXPOSURE to this client, whether financial, reputational, legal etc, and other hand, any LEVERAGE you may have. Leverage could be assets you’ve not yet handed over that they need, knowledge you hold that’s not easily replicable, etc.

The purpose of this is to look clearly at what the possible consequences and benefits could be of whichever path you choose. Your next steps are focused on minimising your exposure and putting any leverage you have to the best possible use.

3. Identify what YOU want

• Work out your best-case scenario, and your absolute hard line, bearing in mind possible exposure and potential leverage.

• Think about your time, any resources needed to do whatever they’re asking

• The impact on your mental health

• The opportunity cost of your time- what else could you be doing

• Intangible benefits you might want- credit/exposure/introductions/portfolio building, etc

4. Identify what is IMPORTANT to them

This is not about what they’ve said, or asked for, but what they actually value. Use all the information you know about them and their circumstances to work out what is motivating them. What pressures are they facing, from their own clients/within their organisation? Consider the following:

• are they under time pressure

• what are their deliverables

• do they need to prove they’ve negotiated the price as low as it can go (i.e. is a request for a discount actually to enable them to demonstrate, either to themselves or their seniors, that they’ve got the best price)

• is there an ego element (hint: yes. Always.)

Drafting your response

Using the information you’ve gathered above, and maintaining your laser-focus on your desired outcome, map out your response. In choosing what to say and how to structure it, ask yourself:

“What action do you want them to take?”

And then make it EASY.

Want them to consider a couple of options and pick one? Set them out and sign off with “please reply and let me know if you’d prefer A or B”. Want them to pay an invoice before you continue your work? Attach it, or include a link to pay. Never want to hear from them again? Make sure you don’t ask them any questions, or leave any loose ends they’d need to follow up. If you are asking them for more information, be sure that you genuinely do want that information and are prepared to engage with whatever they send back. If the information won’t make you change your response, don’t ask for it.

Also remember: you don’t need to respond to every point they made in their email. Unless it needs to be addressed or dealt with, you can just leave it- and focus on the action you want them to take, to achieve the outcome you’re after. This is especially true as these days they may have used AI to help them write their email, and there can be a tendency for AI recommendations to throw the kitchen sink in! Don’t fall for arguing with an AI bot, and keep your response lean.

Here are five key points to consider:

1. Make them feel heard

You may not feel like pandering to their ego, but a bit of tactical empathy is incredibly effective. Re-framing their concerns or acknowledging their point of view enables them to stop trying to get their point across and be more open to what you are saying. Even when you are delivering unmitigated bad news, a small demonstration of empathy can significantly soften the delivery. For example, “I have some news to share that may be tough to hear, but I wanted to get in touch as soon as I could to give you as much time as possible to digest the impact…”

2. Frame your proposal from their perspective

Whatever your proposed next steps are, put your correspondent at the heart of them. What will they receive? How will they be impacted? For example, and building on the tactical empathy in the previous point, “I absolutely understand where you’re coming from on budget constraints, and being mindful of that, I am able to offer [add detail of what they will receive for that price].”

3. If you need a reason, choose ONE

Don’t feel that you need to give a reason for your position- if you can frame a polite ‘no’, that’s great. But if you DO feel like giving an explanation, choose the single most unassailable reason, and stick with it. When you are in conflict with someone, the more reasons you give, the weaker your argument looks- you are only as strong as your weakest argument. You’ll also be giving them more ways to try and pick holes in what you’re saying.

4. For NO, use passive voice

Ignore what your English teacher told you about using the passive voice. Say “I’m afraid it’s not possible to…” instead of “I refuse to…”. It just softens things and also can make the decision making process seem more removed, and less able to be challenged.

5. Remember the power of silence

People HATE an awkward silence. They will rush to fill it, often saying ill-advised things that cut across their previously carefully-delivered position. If you can, and if it’s appropriate, hold your nerve and don’t reply right away. This will firstly give you a chance to calm down and go through the preparation steps outlined above, but it will also show your counterparty that you are not replying in haste with a poorly-considered response. Rather, you are calm and collected, and confident in your reply. I have had clients find that by waiting just 24 hours to reply to an incendiary email, the other party (who was likely expecting a blow-up and immediate reply) was unnerved enough to email again, undermining their previous position. Even if that doesn’t happen, a bit of waiting time can put your correspondent off their combative stride.

The caveat to this is if something very urgent has happened, but you need a bit of time to work out what to do- in this case, a quick holding email, something like “just a note to let you know we have seen this and are working on it, I will come back to you shortly” will buy you some breathing space to consider before they start chasing you and causing you further stress.

The aftermath

After all this, I sincerely hope you’ve achieved your desired outcome, or gotten closer to it. Regardless of what’s happened, though, please remember that this kind of interaction takes a lot out of you, mentally and emotionally. You may be left feeling that your counterparty has not understood how bad their behaviour was, or you’ve had to empathise with someone who has treated you unfairly. Take time to process and reflect, and care for yourself afterwards.

And if you’ve found this helpful, or would like to chat about strategy, negotiation, or anything else, please do get in touch!